Hidden Truths
by meleth78
Summary: Iruka confronts Kakashi regarding his role in Sasuke's disappearance. Truths are revealed, angry words exchanged.


Title: Hidden Truths by meleth78

Genre: Drama/Angst I guess. Gee I'm not writing Humor. The horror!

Characters: Iruka and Kakashi

Rating: PG for the word 'fuck'…NO NOT LIKE THAT. It's PG!

Status: One shot.

Comments: I've always thought the grown ups were rather lackadaisical given the fact that Naruto and Sasuke almost killed each other before Sasuke ran away. This is set just before Naruto leave Konoha Village with Jiraya for training. Please don't flame me for discrepancies between this story and canon. I really can't remember the exact details of what happened to Sasuke's family etc etc so I made it up as I wrote along. Hee.

Disclaimer: Still not mine. I'm beginning to see a pattern. Maybe I should start a petition

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'There you are. I've been looking for you.' Said Iruka as he landed on the roof-top that Kakashi was sprawled out on. The jounin didn't respond, his book dangling from his left hand, unread, ignored. His gaze was devoid of emotion, choosing to stare blankly into the air around him. There was no response.

'Kakashi?' The question was more harshly uttered that the chuunin had intended. Iruka frowned at his own impatience. He was taught better than that. The third had been a man of limitless patience and immeasurable love, tenets he had carefully tried to instill in the angry young boy Iruka had been. Still, it was rapidly deteriorating into an excruciatingly trying day. The children at the academy had been affected by the moods of their parents and their more knowledgeable seniors. Some of the younger ones had burst into tears without any apparent reason in class. And some of the older students were more belligerent that was their wont. Then there was Naruto…sighing, the sensei squinted against the bright rays from the setting sun as he looked down at the jounin. Iruka was unspeakably tired, the last thing he needed was attitude from the older man.

'What?' came the murmured reply, carefully devoid of any emotion. The jounin barely spared the young sensei a glance as he lifted his book back to its usual position in front of his masked face, pretending to read.

'Naruto is leaving in a while, the Hokage thought you might want to say good-bye' replied Iruka, his words clipped, vaguely annoyed. His irritation grew, he was unable to stop it. The third had trained him well, but he was still an Umino, brash and undisciplined. Subservience had never been his father's way.

'Why would I?' came the distracted retort. Kakashi kept up the pretence as he dutifully flipped a page.

That was a surprise. The sensei's dark eyes flew open. Again his frown deepened.

'What?' The question was snapped out, the voice taut.

'Why. Would. I?' re-stated the jounin, finally lifting his head to stare at the man looming above him. Kakashi, for all appearances appeared unbearably bored.

'What the hell does that mean?' Frustration ate at the chuunin causing him to tug irritably at his pony-tail. A bad habit from his childhood. He should know better, a shinobi should never show any outward signs of his inner turmoil.

'Never mind. Forget it. I'm coming.' Muttered the pale man. He exhaled in what Iruka took to be a pointedly pained manner and stood up, brushing at the seat of his pants, for all the world looking as if he was doing the chuunin an enormous favor just by standing up.

'No. Not till you explain what you meant.' Iruka wasn't about to let it go so easily. Not when Kakashi was concerned. Not with the way he had mucked everything up.

'I said it was nothing.' It was now the jounin's turn to scowl. The glare in his changeable blue eye clearly showing his displeasure.

'I'm not going to let you near Naruto if that's the attitude you're coping. He's upset enough as it without you-'

'He doesn't need your protection any longer sensei.' The response to Iruka's statement was accompanied with a patronizing smirk, clear as day despite the jounin's mask.

It hurt.

'Like Sasuke didn't need yours?' spat back the younger man reacting immediately. Iruka regretted it the moment the words left his mouth. The jounin turned instantly and snarled.

'And what the do you mean by that?'

'It's YOUR fault what happened.' There was no way he would back down now. The anger that had been eating at the sensei for weeks finally broke free, unrestrained, unchecked, raw.

'You don't mince words do you?' A grudging respect could be heard though the jounin's fury.

'Not when I don't give a fuck about hurting your feelings.'

'That's nice of you sensei. I didn't know you cared.' Mocking, testing the waters, seeing how far the young sensei could be pushed before he snapped entirely. Kakashi couldn't resist it anymore than Iruka could defy his protective nature.

'It IS your fault Kakashi and you know it.' Iruka jabbed a finger hard in the direction of the jounin, carefully cultivated manners long forgotten.

'I can't control-' Defensive. It was NOT his fault.

'Did you even try?' The sensei interrupted, the incredulity he felt plain in his voice.

'Of course I did!' Exasperation now. The chuunin understood nothing. He spent all day encased in the protective warmth of the academy, playing, teaching fanciful theories. He knew nothing of reality, nothing.

'Then how could you not have seen what Sasuke was going through! They tried to kill each other Kakashi and what did you do?'

'I talked to Sasuke-' The look in the jounin's eye barely concealed his contempt that a mere chuunin, an academy sensei at that would dare to lecture him.

Iruka snapped.

'Talk to him? You TALKED to him? Wow! Congratulations on a fucking fantastic job well done.' He drew in a harsh breath. 'You should have beaten him up till he listened to you! They tried to KILL each other Kakashi! And all you did was TALK to the boy?' Iruka was yelling now, his dark eyes filled with disgust, revulsion, almost hatred.

'He's a shinobi-' _Don't look at me like that. Please. Don't look at me like that._

'He's A CHILD. He's twelve years old!' This was nearly screamed at Kakashi.

'I was-' The jounin began.

'SHUT UP! Don't tell me about how great you were. Not everyone is like you Kakashi. Some of us are human. Sasuke is a confused child who watched his entire clan decimated in front of his eyes. Do you know what that's like?'

'He's not the only one who has lost-' Kakashi felt like he couldn't quite catch his breath. He had an explanation, he had one. If only the younger man would stop shouting and give him a chance to-

'Right in front of his eyes Kakashi, and he had to stand there, helpless, screaming, SCREAMING but he couldn't save them. Do you know what that's like? Have you ever felt that?'

'I've lost people as well sensei, so have you. Don't tell me-'

'That's not what I meant.'

'Then what DO you mean?' The pale man was also shouting now, flinging his book down hard onto the roof in his agitation. _STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT_. Iruka jolted at the sudden vibration beneath his feet.

'Helpless. Have you ever, even once in your life felt like there was nothing, absolutely nothing that you could do.'

'No.' It was the truth. Not even with Obito. Kakashi knew what he had to do. He knew he could do it. He had always known. Just like during his father's disgrace. He's always known.

'Then you don't know what Sasuke was going through.'

'And you do?' The question was half-hearted, the jounin didn't think he wanted to know the answer. The sudden burst of anger abandoning him as rapidly as it came leaving him strangly exhausted.

'You don't see how strong you are Kakashi, how you only ever needed to rely on yourself. The rest of us…we're not that lucky.'

'What would you have done then?' asked the jounin bitterly, his voiced stretched just as tightly as his nerves.

'I would have listened.' The rage in Iruka was gone as well, in its place a weary resignation. He couldn't sustain his anger in the face of someone who was so obviously defeated by his own hand.

'What?' Kakashi didn't understand.

'I would have listened to him. I would have listened instead of talked. I would have hugged him instead of tying him up. I would have loved him like my little brother and not just admired him as a soldier.' Iruka took in a sharp breath, 'I would have cared Kakashi. I wouldn't have let go.'

It was the sound of tightly restrained tears in Iruka's voice that broke Kakashi.

'I cared.' The voice was wretched, the words almost sobbed out. The young sensei looked in disbelief as the vaulted calm of the infamous copy-nin crumpled and deserted him. 'God…I cared so much.'

'Kakashi…' Guilt. The sensei's hand reached out but hung limply between the two men, uncertain.

'They were MINE Iruka. My students, my responsibility. I was supposed to protect them, to guide them but look what I did instead.' The jounin's eye was squeezed shut, his head tilted back perhaps to stop the tears from flowing out. The palm of his pale, half-gloved hand rose to press firmly against the shielded Sharingan eye. The other remained clenched tightly at the Kakashi's left hip.

'Kakashi…' Iruka interrupted again. His hand finally decided to rest gently on the taller man's shoulder. The copy-nin's blue eye opened at the almost delicate touch. It was reddened, the jounin blinked.

'I knew that I wasn't reaching him and I wanted to-' the pale man broke off, taking in an unsteady breath.

'You wanted to what?' Soft. Calm. The confrontational boy had grown into a young man of deep compassion and almost infinite kindness, often blinded to the faults and transgressions of even his most despised enemies when he saw their pain, their anguish, their suffering. Some said it made him weak. Other gave it as the reason why he was so profoundly loved.

'I wanted to talk to you, to ask if maybe you knew…if you could do something I couldn't.'

'Why didn't you?'

A bitter laugh.

'I did.' Came the curt reply.

'You did not come to me.' The hand that had been resting on Kakashi's shoulder fell away, un-noticed. He had been many things to the jounin, someone to tease, someone to cheerfully irritate but he had never been a confidant nor had he been a friend.

'I did. I just-' Kakashi seemed unable to continue.

'You just what?'

'I just couldn't ask…' Ashamed.

'What? Why?' Confusion.

'Because I made it clear that I didn't need you or your help. I couldn't just-'

'You let your fucking PRIDE get in the way of your student's welfare?' Anger again, anger at the sheer stupidity of the jounin, anger at himself for not being able to see pass the teasing, for not being able to see the need that lay behind the frivolous mask. He had suspected that there was more to the jounin's behavior than he had let on, but foolishly, he had assumed a hidden attraction on the part of the older man.

'Yes.' The simple word held an admission of an intense guilt.

'GOD Kakashi. I-' Both of the sensei's hands came up and scrubbed at his face. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time not quite knowing what he felt. They had been so idiotic. HE had been so stupid, and so very vain and it was their students that paid the price. It hurt. Gods how it hurt.

'I watched you. I watched how you loved Naruto and I watched how you tried to get Sasuke to talk to you and I watched how you teased Sakura. But I couldn't…I couldn't be you.' Kakashi took a breath. 'So I read what you wrote about them. I went over all their transcripts again and again, making notes of the comments you made about them. You know them so well Iruka. You were so detailed. You even made notes that Sasuke's favorite color was blue and that he was not a morning person and how Naruto never ate enough vegetables.'

That was how the jounin knew to visit the blonde child with baskets of greens and that was how Asuma knew to give Shikamaru a storybook on historical samurai for his birthday and that was how Kurenai knew that butterflies made the Hyuuga girl smile.

'That's not…that wouldn't have helped you Kakashi. I…you were right in a way. I knew them as children, I didn't know them as shinobi. Maybe it's selfish but I don't want to.' Trying to make amends for his unwarranted self-righteousness? Was it perhaps too late? He hoped not.

'You know them sensei, more so that anyone I would suspect. Don't doubt that. Don't let anyone-' Kakashi paused, a rueful smile behind his mask, 'Don't let anyone, especially bastards like me tell you otherwise.'

'Don't say things like that Kakashi. I don't think you're a-'

'It's a little late for that now don't you think?' Despite the words, it was said in a manner that mocked himself rather than was insulting to Iruka.

'No. No it's not.'

'Maybe.'

'No maybes. There IS still time.' Forceful.

'I don't know if I can.' Still hesitant, unsure. How unlike his usual demeanor. Who would have thought that the great Hatake Kakashi had a vulnerable side after all.

'You can. You have to.' Conviction rung clear in the sensei's tone. 'Don't be a coward jounin.'

That earned him a dirty look. Iruka laughed suddenly, feeling lighter than he had in days. He continued,

'Naruto is going to train so that when the time comes he'll be ready, you should do the same. I'll teach you.'

'You'll teach me?' The usual teasing tone was back in the jounin's voice as he raised an eyebrow.

'Yes.' A smile made adorable by its sheer cockiness appeared on the young sensei's face.

'Really?' A quirking of hidden lips.

'Yep.' A wider grin.

'And what exactly are you going to teach me chuunin?'

'How to be a friend.'

Kakashi couldn't quite stop the short bark of laughter that broke free.

'You're so full of it.' He said finally allowing himself to relax in the sensei's bright presence.

'Oh and you're not?' shot back the chuunin, unrepentant. He leaned down and retrieved the abandoned book and held it out to Kakashi. 'Here. Come on, let's go. Naruto's waiting. You know how loud he gets and thanks to you I already have a headache.'

Kakashi reached out and made to take back the book but then he paused, and gave the chuunin an appraising look and abruptly decided instead to yank hard on the sensei's arm, abruptly forcing the younger man to take shocked two steps towards him.

'Kakashi!' yelped the chuunin, surprise evident on his face, he stumbled, slender body bumping into the taller man.

'You weren't entirely wrong sensei.' Whispered the jounin into the Iruka's ear.

'What?'

'You weren't wrong.' Repeated the jounin and he left it at that as he released Iruka and took the forgotten book for the sensei's still-outstretched hand, pulling away in the process.

A slow burn spread across Iruka's cheekbones as he realized what Kakashi was referring to. Damn the man for seeing too much, stupid jounin.

'Now's really not the time Kakashi-sensei…' he fumbled nervously, brushing back strands of imaginary dark hair that had escaped his tie to a more comfortable position behind his ear. Another sign of nerves. He could hear the gruff voice of the third gently reprimanding him yet again.

'No. It's not. But one day it will be Iruka.' Said the jounin, adding 'Soon I think. Quite soon.'

'Maybe.' Iruka turned away lest Kakashi saw his completely reddened face.

'No maybes' quipped the jounin, 'Count on it.'

The sensei bristled slightly as he heard his own words repeated back at him. Stupid stupid jounin. Iruka managed to stop his lips from curving but he couldn't quite hide the delighted gleam that touched his dark eyes.

'Oh shut up already. We're late enough as it is what with all your tantrum throwing. I'm going to blame it on you when Naruto whines at me'

And off they went, leaping from roof to roof, squabbling all the way and forging tentative new bonds hopefully strong enough to sustain them in the undoubtedly trying days ahead.

THE END.


End file.
